Reluctance
by PerfectPride
Summary: Cuddy/Thirteen pairing. Cuddy is reluctant to get involved in any serious relationships, no matter who they're with.


**Title: Reluctance  
Pairing: Cuddy/Thirteen  
Spoilers: It's set after S5 E05 but there are no major spoilers to speak of.  
A/N: This was written for the housefemslash fic-a-thon, prompt 44. Cuddy/Thirteen: Disastrous Attempt. It took me a while to figure out the best way to handle this prompt, so I hope I did it justice. :)**

* * *

_**1.**_

There was only one thing more pathetic than being alone in a bar on a Friday night, and that was staying in alone on a Friday night. Or at least, that was the opinion of Lisa Cuddy. For roughly an hour she had been steadily drinking one glass of wine after another, though she wasn't really drunk.

Well, _not yet_.

Most of the time she kept her head down, not wanting to draw any unwanted attention. She knew from past experience that she had a habit of attracting the wrong type of people, and somehow she never seemed to learn her lesson. Eventually it would get to the point when she was tipsy, her head swayed upwards, sideways, she caught someone's eye and ended up dragging them home for a few hours. No one was allowed to stay the night; that was her rule.

She'd tried relationships and failed miserably at them in every single way possible. She always fell for the man with three kids and an ex-wife _(baggage)_ or the woman with more issues than she cared to admit _(a love for cocaine)_ so now; she quit. It was easier that way.

"Dr. Cuddy."

An unidentified voice to the left of her, the fierce pounding of the music making it hard to identify who it was; even if it were a male or a female.

"Oh God,"she thought. "Don't let it be House. Don't let it be House. _Don't let it be House._" She didn't really want anyone she knew seeing her alone and wearing even less than she wore to work, but there was nothing she could do now that she'd been recognised except to get away as soon as possible.

"Dr. Cuddy?"

A hand was placed on her arm, and without looking down, Cuddy could tell from the softness of the touch that it wasn't House. "Female, definitely female. "Not House," Cuddy triumphed, because past experience had taught her that being around House without being in full control of her emotions lead her into dangerous territory. _That_ she did not want to repeat.

She turned to find out the unknown woman's identity, shock registering on her face as she did so. "Dr. Hadley," she stated dumbly, not knowing what else to say. "What are you doing here?"

Thirteen smirked, her emerald eyes sparkling. Looking her up and down, Cuddy noticed that Thirteen's eyes perfectly matched the dress she was wearing; a strapless, silk, corset that wrapped around her waif-like figure. Realising that she was staring, Cuddy forced herself to focus on Thirteen's face and listen to her answer. "I'm doing what most people are doing here."

"Oh? And what's that?" Cuddy raised her eyebrows, anticipating the answer.

Thirteen laughed playfully, a sound that Cuddy had never heard come out of her mouth before. "Drinking. Dancing," Thirteen took a sip of a drink that looked to be some sort of cocktail. "_Fucking._"

Putting aside her shock at Thirteen's bluntness, Cuddy heard the implication; loud and clear. If everyone else in the bar was doing one of or all three of those things, then she herself had to hold one of those reasons for being here too. Remembering Thirteen's recent encounter with the IV fluids and her own threat of suspension, _(which she would have carried out had House not saved Thirteen's ass)_ Cuddy replied sarcastically, "I think you missed out the third D," she paused for effect. "Drugs."

Thirteen's smirk showed that she was unfazed. "Maybe I don't need that third D tonight. Maybe I'm happy with drinking, dancing, and attempting to accomplish the third?"

The safest choice for Cuddy to make would be to change the topic of conversation entirely. Instead, it seemed the wine was kicking in as she drawled, "So don't you think you should get on with the final part of your... _mission, _before the night is over?"

"Who says I'm not working on achieving it as we speak?" Thirteen retorted, her tone treading the fine line between confidence and arrogance.

Cuddy knew the sensible thing to do would be to turn around and walk away, but there was something, most probably the alcohol in her veins, preventing her from doing so. Leaning in towards Thirteen, she put her mouth to Thirteen's ear and challenged huskily, "_Work harder._"

She was pretty sure that those two simple words were all it would take for Thirteen to make her next move, and when she felt a hand snake around her back and soft, warm lips on hers, she knew she was right.

**

_**2.**_

In the back of the taxi there was no kissing, but there were constant, furtive touches, with Thirteen even daring to slide a hand between Cuddy's legs to massage her clit; a promise of what was to come the moment they were alone. Cuddy couldn't bring herself to push Thirteen away, the pulsing between her legs preventing her from thinking anything even vaguely coherent. So she didn't worry about if the taxi driver could see, what would happen after, if House was going to find out. Burying her head into Thirteen's shoulder, she playfully bit down on her neck, enjoying the warmth of skin against hers and Thirteen's breath against her ear.

Cuddy barely even remembered exiting the car, she just knew that she'd overpaid the driver of the taxi by throwing the entire contents of her purse into his hand. Dragging Thirteen behind her, she fumbled with the key in the door, distracted by the fingernails digging into her torso. When she eventually got the door open, she entered with Thirteen and slammed it shut immediately, tugging the young doctor up the stairs behind her. She didn't even have to think about where she was taking her, and the moment that they collapsed onto the bed, Cuddy knew that this was exactly what she wanted.

All clothing was discarded and Cuddy focused entirely on Thirteen's breasts, the sharp angles of her hipbones as they rode against her own. Her mouth clashed against soft lips continuously as her hand furiously worked Thirteen's clit, revelling in the moans against her skin. She must have been doing what Thirteen wanted because it wasn't long before she cried out, shook, and went still for a moment, until she flipped Cuddy onto her back and asserted control.

She used her hands to knead Cuddy's breasts, soft enough to give Cuddy pleasure but hard enough to leave bruises. For Cuddy the _soft but hard _summed up this entire situation, though she didn't want to read too much into that right now. Instead she lost herself in the hot, wet tongue against her clit, the pulsing as her blood travelled quickly through her veins. This was the closest to pure ecstasy that she'd felt in a long time, and as she came suddenly, she knew that she'd hit seventh heaven.

**

_**3.**_

The aftermath of an orgasm is always fantastic when you're comfortable with whoever has given you said orgasm, but when you both know things never should have gotten so far, it was awkward tripled times a billion.

Rapidly sobering, Cuddy had been waiting for Thirteen to make the first move as she had before, except this was a different kind of move entirely. It seemed, however, that Thirteen was relying upon Cuddy to tell her what the appropriate thing to do would be, as she lay next to her, unmoving, staring up at the ceiling. The only sign that she was awake was the fact that her eyes shone in the moonlight that infiltrated the room past the curtains. Her chest rose and fell quietly as she caught her breath back, and even considering the messed up situation she'd gotten herself into, Cuddy found herself thinking about how beautiful Thirteen was.

Which didn't make this any easier.

She knew she should tell Thirteen that she was never to speak a word of this to anyone and to leave her home immediately like she'd done with all the others, but every time she tried to force out the words; nothing happened. As out-of-her-depth as she felt, this was the first person she'd had in her bed in a while, and despite her differences with her employee; she was still company. As long as Thirteen was here lying next to her, she wasn't alone.

It appeared that she'd deliberated too long when Thirteen sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and located her dress, strewn on the floor. Cuddy had the urge to reach out and snatch the clothing from her tearing it into shreds in the process, but going for the less psychotic action, she said casually, "You can stay."

Thirteen paused. Turning back towards Cuddy, she gave her a piercing stare. "I shouldn't."

"No," Cuddy agreed reluctantly, because what else could she say? Thirteen shouldn't stay, it was such a very bad idea, but she couldn't help the fact that she really _wanted_ her to anyway.

"You're ok with me staying?" Thirteen held her dress up to preserve her modesty _(kinda late for that)_ but didn't actually put it on.

Cuddy shrugged, nonchalant, but seeing the hurt that Thirteen was unable to mask in her eyes, even if she did usually pull off a brilliant poker face, she softened. Only slightly, though. Sitting up, she reached out in Thirteen's direction, and lightly pulled the dress away to expose her perfect cream-coloured breasts once again. "It's late. _Stay._"

Cuddy helped Thirteen underneath the duvet covers before moving away to her own side of the bed. She normally slept in the middle, but she didn't really want to be too close to Thirteen. It was all about treading that fine line between loneliness and companionship, and she didn't want to overstep the mark. Thirteen however didn't appear to realise this, and it wasn't long until she shifted over to Cuddy, wrapping a cold arm around her middle. Cuddy felt immediate discomfort, and not just because of the frosty limb enveloping her, but she couldn't bring herself to tell Thirteen to leave her alone.

Trying not to think too much about the repercussions of what had happened, what was happening; Cuddy screwed her eyes tightly shut, and tried to fall asleep.

**

_**4.**_

"Nothing can come of this," Cuddy informed Thirteen, not troubling to adhere to politeness or nicety. Her head was about to explode and she wasn't all that concerned about hurt feelings.

Thirteen stared at her, her hair falling around her shoulders and serving to partly preserve her modesty. She looked tired, fed up. It was as if she couldn't even sum up the energy to be concerned by what had happened the previous night. Whereas Cuddy was really quite mortified at her unprofessionalism in having sex with an employee, _(this girl over ten years younger than her) _Thirteen just wasn't fazed. "I know," she said simply, in response to Cuddy's statement.

"Right..." Cuddy's voice trailed off as she debated what to say. Slightly awkwardly, she pulled the sheet around herself and stood from the bed. "Well, I'm going to take a shower. Feel free to use the other bathroom. It's just down the hallway on the left."

Thirteen swept her hair back into a pony unblushingly revealing her chest, and she bent down to pick up her underwear. "Thanks but... I'll get dressed and go."

Cuddy shrugged. "Your choice."

As she closed the bathroom door behind her, Cuddy glanced Thirteen's way. She was so very different to the cocky, flirtatious young woman that had come home with her last night. Looking down, she fiddled with her dress, trying to turn it the right way around. For a moment Cuddy was tempted to walk straight over to her and kiss her once again, but she managed to restrain herself. A complicated situation would become more complicated, she'd have to watch a messed up twenty-something year old sink further below the bottom, and for the sake of a few seconds of connection to another human being; it wasn't worth it.

Was it?

**

_**5.**_

It wasn't that she didn't fancy her; there was no denying that Thirteen was beautiful. The problem was that she was too much of everything Cuddy didn't need. If Cuddy could only stop herself from replaying what had happened on a loop in her head, then she would be able to forget and move on. But every time she looked Thirteen's way or so much as walked in the same direction as her; it all came flooding back. The way her chest had risen and fallen rapidly underneath Cuddy's touch, the way her mouth felt on Cuddy's breasts, even the tiny little freckle that Cuddy noticed when she pulled back the duvet the morning after _it_ had happened. She wanted her again, but then it would turn from a one night stand into... what? Dating? A relationship? She almost wanted more, but that was the point. _Almost._ Not definitely, not absolutely, not completely.

Still. Thirteen had been a phenomenal fuck; one that Cuddy wasn't going to be forgetting about easily.

"Did you want me?" Thirteen asked as she noticed Cuddy staring at her from across the nurses' station in the clinic.

Cuddy tried not to look too embarrassed at the fact she'd been caught watching the woman that seemed to currently occupy her every waking thought. "No," she lied, recognising the underlying meaning to the question, but picking up her clipboard and walking off anyway.

**

_**6.**_

She began avoiding the clinic when she knew Thirteen was going to be working a shift, kept her head down when she walked the corridors, and minimised the amount of time she spent in Diagnostics more than she already did. House didn't care; he just enjoyed causing even more mischief now that he wasn't being checked up on as often. There would probably come the time when he called Cuddy up on her behaviour, but for now it had gone unquestioned. Even Thirteen hadn't said anything.

Until five o'clock on a Friday when Cuddy was about to go home, two weeks to the day that this whole mess had begun.

Thirteen entered her office without knocking, slamming the door behind her.

"We need to talk."

"Excuse me?" Cuddy turned from the wall where her coat was hung up. She noted the angry flames ablaze in Thirteen's eyes, and immediately she realised what this was going to be about.

Thirteen shook her head, threw a frosty look in Cuddy's direction. "I'm not stupid. I know you've been avoiding me."

Defending herself, Cuddy refuted the accusation. "I've done no such thing."

"Don't even try and deny it," Thirteen scoffed. "You're behaving like a child! Since we... since that night I have behaved in a professional manner towards you like you wanted me to, but all you've done is go from practically drooling over me to pretending that I don't exist."

Straight away, Cuddy felt her cheeks begin to redden. Thirteen was telling the truth, but there was no way she was going to admit it. "That's complete rubbish."

Thirteen held up her hands in defeat. "You know what? I don't care. I really don't give a damn what the hell you've been playing at, but I want it to stop. It's unnecessary and immature."

Feeling her own rage rise up inside her, Cuddy snapped. "Carry on talking to me like that and I won't hesitate to fire you, Dr. Hadley."

A step towards her. "Bullshit."

Positively seething, Cuddy also moved forward. "You think I'm bluffing? If one more word comes out of your mouth that isn't an apology, you'll see exactly how serious I am."

"Sorry," Thirteen shot back sarcastically. "I didn't mean to offend you." She turned to leave, taking quick strides towards the door.

Moving fast, Cuddy went towards her. She knew that once again she was making a stupid decision, but her blood was boiling with lust and preventing her from thinking rationally. Grabbing hold of the younger doctor, she shoved her back against the wall next to the closed blinds, and smashed her mouth to Thirteen's in a searing, furious kiss. After a second of hesitation, Thirteen responded, allowing Cuddy to grab her around the waist and connect their bodies together.

It was then that Thirteen pulled back with a sharp jolt, as if she has been burned by Cuddy's touch. Not even pausing to catch her breath, she left quickly, avoiding eye contact with Cuddy and quickly rushing out of the room. Cuddy made no attempt to stop her; she stood frozen to the spot; unable to move. Shutting her eyes, she took deep breaths, hoping that if she took in more oxygen it would help her to think clearly. She didn't need to follow Thirteen to find out why she had been rejected, because she already knew the reason.

It had been_ different_ this time.

When Thirteen's hips made contact with her own; they fitted perfectly as one, their lips moulded into an exact fit. More than that, she had felt something so intense that it scared her. She surmised that judging by Thirteen's reaction; she had experienced that very same feeling.

**

_**7.**_

When she became Dean of Medicine, Cuddy had made a promise to herself never to date anyone complicated. That was something she could control fairly easily by keeping herself busy and not allowing anybody with issues into her life beyond one night. She had always managed to achieve this with no problems, but she had never faced a situation like this before. Thirteen dominated her every waking thought, and despite trying to concentrate on her work, it was a disastrous attempt at ignoring the obvious.

She was infatuated with Thirteen.

Under the bright lights of the bar her features had been accentuated, and Cuddy had lusted after her. This she could comprehend and understand. The young doctor was extremely attractive; most of the hospital staff had a crush on her. But after... after it became something else. _Something more. _She had tried to move on and write off her emotions as some sort of early mid-life crisis, but the evidence was now mounting up leaving her with no choice but to accept the truth of the matter.

Which was why she had looked up Thirteen's address in her file, and was now standing outside of her apartment.

After what seemed like an age, the door opened and Thirteen stood before her. She looked surprised.

"Hi."

"Dr. Cuddy," Thirteen said awkwardly, blinking a few times.

"Can I come in?" Cuddy saw no point in beating around the bush. The sooner she got this over with; the better.

At least, that was what she hoped.

Thirteen moved backwards to allow Cuddy room to enter. She did so slowly, careful not to brush against Thirteen and get distracted from what she had come here to say. She noted that Thirteen's apartment was colour-coordinated, neat and tidy. It was minimalist, but that suited Thirteen down to a tea from what she'd already discovered about her.

"Do you want a drink? Coffee or... anything stronger?" Thirteen suggested as she shut the front door, stirring Cuddy from her thoughts.

"I... no," Cuddy replied, remembering that drinking was one third of the reason why she was here in the first place. "I just thought we should... talk."

"Look, I'm sorry for what I said," Thirteen apologised, unexpected by Cuddy. "I'd had a bad day and I took it out on you. I should have gone home instead of going to your office."

"It's not that," Cuddy told her, knowing that there was no going back after the next few seconds. "It's about... what happened. Again."

"Oh," Thirteen said softly. "I sort of thought it was a given right that it would never be mentioned."

"We... I have to. I can't... I mean... I've tried not to..." Cuddy stuttered, not able to find the right words. "God, I don't know how to explain this."

A look of comprehension passed over Thirteen's face anyway. "It's ok, I get it. At least... I think I do." She took a step towards Cuddy, gently raised a hand and placed it against her cheek.

"You want this too?" Cuddy searched for reassurance, needing to know that Thirteen fully understood what she was trying to say.

"I don't know what _this_ is," Thirteen admitted. "But whatever happened between us, I don't want to forget it either." She kissed Cuddy gently, this time with no ferocity, but passion instead.

Cuddy responded, melting into her arms and fully surrendering herself to Thirteen for the first time. She erased all doubts from her mind and instead put all her energy into enjoying the moment, and allowing herself to get involved with a woman who was filled to the brim with complexities. It might not work out, it might end in tears, but she would give it a go. Because though she didn't know what this was; she had a feeling that it wasn't just a fling.

**

_**8.**_

A relationship. She'd never thought it was possible but eventually Cuddy and Thirteen became Lisa and Remy, and the awkwardness and unknowing between them began to fade. The reluctance to become one half of a pair had faded completely, and Cuddy felt that she'd made the right decision.

Thirteen stayed over at Cuddy's place frequently, until eventually she ended up unofficially moving in. This had been good for both of them. Cuddy had been able to let go of some of the control freak within, and she'd noticed that since Thirteen had stopped carrying out Operation Self-Destruct she'd become happier, the bags under her eyes fading until they were gone completely.

Cuddy did the cooking _(because Remy seriously sucked at it)_ every single evening. On the other hand, Thirteen carried out all the DIY tasks around the house (_because she was an idiot when it came to changing light bulbs_ _and figuring out why the electricity had cut out)_ whenever there was something that needed doing. They each had their own roles that kept the home running smoothly, and things weren't actually all that complicated like Cuddy had thought they would be.

House figured out that they were together, but Cuddy expected that anyway. He'd actually taken it pretty well, understanding that as much as Thirteen needed someone to keep her on the straight and narrow, deep down Cuddy had always needed someone to make her happy. That didn't stop the lesbian and threesome jokes, but then he wouldn't be House without the pervert within.

So against all odds; they worked.

And that was the way it was going to stay.

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fin

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End file.
